Remembering being young

Yesterday and today have been filled with thoughts of being young. I, for the first time in my life, have said to myself: "What the hell was I thinking!" You know, I have always said that I have no regrets and that I wouldn't change anything and that remains true, but what was I thinking? I would give you examples now if I could get my 31 year old (severely abused) brain to work. Just things like not doing what I wanted to, holding back when the only reason for it was that I didn't realize that I didn't have to. I correct myself, I would change something. I would have taken more shots on goal. Before I became a goalie, I played midfield, and before that fullback. But I would like to have taken more shots on goal, but not just in soccer. I would have tried harder to learn as well. I am not saying that I didn't learn anything in school, I am just saying that I didn't try to learn, I just did. I feel bad for the teachers that were doing their best to teach me, and all I gave in return was the least amount of effort possible. I wouldn't change me, just my behavior. Does that make sense? I think it is possible to change how you act or approach things without changing who you are. I have come to the conclusion that I have always seen the good. It is easy for me to see all of the good things around me. So easy in fact that I am blinded by the beauty that is my life and thus I can't see the bad. I think that is why I took so few shots on goal, I like to see the good and I set myself up to bear witness. I enjoyed seeing Tim put the ball in the net. But the bad there is that I didn't put the ball in the net. I enjoyed being the other guy to not do his geometry homework so that Pat had someone to high five for not doing the homework. It made him smile that he was not alone. And the bad part there is that I had to have several after school meetings with the teacher, being accused of cheating on tests and having my parents notified that I wasn't trying. But in the 13 years since I was in school I have learned something important. You always have to look out for number 1, it will make you a better friend, spouse and parent. If you are happy it is easier for you to brighten the lives of those around you. It would have made me happier to have taken more shots on goal.