You just wouldn't understand

I heard on the news that a man drowned in the Saco River in Hiram Tuesday. That man was 33 year old Stephen Hawkes. But this story starts over 20 years ago.

In the 80's lots of things were commonplace, mullets, rat tails, corvettes, and "heavy metal" to name a few. But there were also many things that were really quite rare. Asians in the Lake Region school system was one of those rarities. Being 2 years older than I, we didn't hang out a lot as kids. But living less than half a mile from each other and riding the same school bus, not to mention being the only non-relative asian at school, we knew each other well enough. I remember the first time I went to Steve's house, it was a split like mine. Their "basement" was finished and if my memory serves me, that's where Steve's room was, maybe not, but I think so. It had brown carpet just like my living room. I felt at home when I was around Steve, he had a big caricature-like smile. His older sister was my little sister's swim instructor. His Mom walked past our house, for exercise, most every nice day. But he was the other Asian guy at the school, and that is a strange indescribable bond that I won't even try to explain.

I ran into Steve a few times after he graduated, and even more rarely after I graduated. Whenever we saw each other we took time to say hello, and ask how each other was, what had happened since we last saw each other, the usual. The difference was I actually cared. I cared that he was ok. I cared that he was well. I always left saying good for Steve. I always wished good things to him.

When I heard that he died, it didn't hit me really fast. But as time goes by it hurts a bit more. I don't know if it is that crazy Asian bond, or the fact that we have walked a similar path in life, even though we weren't close enough to each other to have the others life affect the path of the our own.

It was almost five years since I had seen him that I ran into Steve at work. He was a selector at the Hannaford Brothers Distribution Center. So was I. He didn't finish college, neither did I. But most recently it was last week that I ran into Steve. While grocery shopping, I parked Tyler beside the potatoes to get over to the bananas. Just as I was bagging a nice bunch, a little Asian girl ran over to Tyler and started playing with his shoes. Not far behind was her father....Steve. We caught up really fast as the kids were not cooperating, and it was good to see him with his 2 year old daughter and his expecting wife. I thought "Good for you Steve" as we said good bye.

And I think that is why it bothers me so much. It could be me. It could be me that doesn't get to see my kids grow up. I wished better than that for my only Asian childhood friend. I hope his little girl Rachael is old enough to have a few memories of her dad, because he was a good guy and he deserves to be remembered.

"It was nice to see you again Tuan."
"It was really good to see you too Steve."