Friday, September 28, 2007
Open your ears jackass!!
So the title is from a vintage Jerky Boys bit, but not totally unrelated. I was reading Dan's blog last night and was killed by the entry titled "INTERESTING IDEA FROM ONE OF MY EDUCATION BOOKS". For years I have been saying "perception is reality", and not once has Dan commented on how eye opening the thought was. I was like "What the hell!!" So I talked to Dan on IM today to see how it was that the reading was interesting, yet my theory was not. I was, at first, annoyed. Was it because of my lack of a college education? Was it my less extensive vocabulary? Do I somehow come across unintelligent and thereby making it unnecessary to hear what I have to say? I mean people listen to me, but do they hear what I am trying to say? He said something along the lines of "You make it sound so absolute." Huh. I get that. I have this thing where I have to break things down to their simplest form. Black and white. It is what made me a good efficiency analyst (in a previous life), but not as good at getting my point across on things like theories on behavior I guess. I guess that the thought process behind things like this need to be explained for it to be taken in and processed. I know that I do come across jerky sometimes, maybe it is because I am so to the quick to get to the point. I wonder how I can change so that I am heard when I have a point to make. Thinking to do, more on this later.......
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2 comments:
I just think that you come across as so absolute, which hurts. Whenever someone tells me that something IS CORRECT, I start to look for instances in which it might not be.
Add to that that your little explanations are so short (perception is reality) it's just kind of hard to understand where you're coming from. The end of my quotation was because we each experience different things and therefore see things froma different frame of reference "...each person can be said to live in a different reality."
See? Less absolute. Perception isn't reality - perception defines our individual views of the world, which is, in essence, almost like defining reality.
It's much looser and more flexible conceptually this way.
That said, I never trust things that are super fancy-like in ther writing. Some people are sucha sucker for that. I love me some vocab, but not just for showing off. It's just nice to have the best word for the job. I prefer things simple - if you can say something complex in regular language, then you are pretty damn smart, I'd say. It's why I love Vonnegut.
First, you have to be a good listener, which I think you have become... most of the time. Jackass. Because then you can pull from previous conversations and observations about a person and relate your idea in analogy and metaphor that is appealing to your audience.
When I was younger, Erica used to tell me that I was so fake, and just acted like other people to get them to like me. Maybe this was true, maybe not. I don't think so, not at that stage in my life. Younger, yes. Definately. But today, nope. But someone could still infer this because my communication style has not changed so much.
By appealing to another person's sense of humor, and areas of interest, you gain both attention and retention to and of your message.
Also by listening and paying attention to your audience, you have a good idea where you stand with your idea before you present it. If you think it is going to be instantly rejected, then you must propose it in stages, looking and inserting facts that the audience agrees with. This way, the audience begins the transmission in agreement and enthrallment (if your analogies, metaphors, etc... are focused and funny).
In short, you must appeal to your audience before your audience will appeal to you.
This is manipulative and deceptive; which is why I almost always destroy my argument with a rebuttal if none is offered, and finishing my message with the note that in the end, my statement is my personal belief based upon a hierarchy of priority. Such as this last paragraph. I believe this is the best way to communicate with someone. I recognize that it is deceptive and manipulative. But I further project that it was never my intent to do more get my audience to understand me - not agree nor follow, simply dance for a while with me as the lead. The next song, I'm all yours.
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